i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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