reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
