She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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