she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
