I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
