I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
