He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
