also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
