I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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