Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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