I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
We had sex on a dog bed..
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
