I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
