i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I pour the whiskey from now on
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
