i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
