You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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