The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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