I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
