Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
