He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
