Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
