I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
