I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Randomize
