A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
