Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
