I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
