Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
