apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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