is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
