its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
