wakey wakey hands off snakey
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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