Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
