I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
