If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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