I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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