I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
