Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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