your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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