Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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