we have pet lesbian snakes
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
