My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He felt like a one man threesome
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
