So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
he told me I talked like a deaf person
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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