Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
