Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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