Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
