um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I looked at my own cervix.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
