i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
