Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
