My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
