I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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