im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
