One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
