Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
