Duck Duck Cougar?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
